She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
