I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize