we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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