but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
