This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
