She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mom said you looked used
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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