Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
