good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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