community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
