Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
