I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
