yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
