Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
