I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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