I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
