I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
