so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
In America we eat man semen.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
