I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
