I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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