somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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