I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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