I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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