Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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