Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
