i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
