I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
