It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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