The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
