too bad you live with your parents still
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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