YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
