you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
