I wish I could punch you in the face.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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