I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
