so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
