The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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