Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
