the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A bitchslap is in order.
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