My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
