i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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