The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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