I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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