That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
