Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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