just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
