Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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