i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
