Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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