Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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