It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize