I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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