I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
