At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
