This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
NoShamevember. You game?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
