There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
