it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
