Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
