just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
