Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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