Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
