I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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