You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He kissed a someone with a penis
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
