Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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