If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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