1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
