You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
50% drunk capacity currently
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
