i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
