i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
