i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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