Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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