I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
