im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
nutella sex= disaster
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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